Pregnant stripper...not hot.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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