kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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