so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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