Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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