She went from zero to smokin in five shots
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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