You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
