Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
