the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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