We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
