respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
