I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
