And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
