is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
