I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just gargled with NyQuil
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
