she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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