How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
...so i touched it.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
