We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
