Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
