i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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