But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
If its not for food we ain't going out.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
