So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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