he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
