people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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