my soul wont recognize me after tonight
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
