Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize