Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
so explain again why im purple
no
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
