what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize