I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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