i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
