i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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