The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
