Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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