Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
