well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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