Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
