yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
