just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
