i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
