3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
