New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
