yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
