i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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