It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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