there was a trapeze. enough said
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
