i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
