I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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