My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize