I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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