Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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