My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
