I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Randomize
