Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
