Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Randomize
