omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
