Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
The ass gains better be worth it
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