She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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