if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
