he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
This house was built for laser tag.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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