Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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