I think I am morally bankrupt
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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