i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
