Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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