i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Houston, we have a squirter
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
