i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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